Alice knew at once as soon as she stepped into the apartment. Her mother was dead. Alice blamed herself. Why the hell did she leave her? She knew, god damn it, she knew her mother would take any chance. And Alice had given her the chance. Was it on purpose? Alice was thinking. Maybe she was tired of living like this, with her mother in bed all days, deeply, hoplessly depressed. Maybe she went out shopping just for one reason. To make it end. Her father was dead since a long time, and her mother had always been depressed, as long as Alice could remember.
And now it was done. Alice shivered a little, and walked in to her mother?s bedroom. Her first thought when she saw all the blood was ?How could she do this to me?? and she went out again without taking any closer look. Her mother had slashed her wrists. Alice didn?t call the police. Alice didn?t call anyone. She just closed the door to her mother?s bedroom and continued living as if nothing had happened. Two weeks later when the neighbourhood started to complain on an awful smell the police came into the apartment and found Alice and her dead mother. Alice was brought to a mental institution.
The first thing you see when you look at her is the hair, he thought. She always has it blue. Deep blue like the sea. I couldn?t imagine her with another haircolour, and I believe so couldn?t she. Richard Rainey walked outside the mental hospital?s fence, watching the inmates in the garden. As always he saw Alice, she was sitting on a bench smoking, looking rather apathic with band aids on her wrists. He appreciated her age to be 17, maybe 18, and she was always sitting there, or walking around, smoking.
Today it was enough looking. But he knew the nurses had begun to wonder about him. They saw him nearly everyday, taking his slow walk around the hospital fence.
Now he was there again. Sneaking around, smoking his cigarette and just looking at her. He had smiled once. It was an old man, perhaps he was 60, or maybe even 65, and he was always remakably dressed, just that way rich old men with a rather good taste does. White costume and a hat. But now something was happening. He had not done this before. Alice raised an eyebrow as she saw him walk to the gate, starting a conversation with the nurses. She was to far away to hear them talking, but so all of a sudden they let him in and he came walking towards her. Alice was slightly amused. He smiled at her, but it was a serious smile.
?I said I was your grandfather?, he said.
?I have no grandfather. He is dead like everyone else?, she answered.
?Never mind?, he said. Alice began to walk along the small way of pebbles. He followed her.
?I?ve watched you?, he said.
?I know?. Alice gave him an arched eyebrow.
?I like your hair?, he continued.
?Really?? she said. Alice looked up. They?ve reached the old chapel pretty far away from the institution. The nurses didn?t pay attention to them anymore. She walked inside the chapel and he came after. She looked at him and sat down on a bench. He didn?t sit.
?So what do you want?? she said. ?Is it sex you want? Do you want to fuck me? Touch me?? Alice took his hand and put it between her legs. She was wearing a short skirt and stay-ups that day. She was very attractive and she knew it. The man did not move his hand. Instead he looked her in the eyes and smiled. That serious smile.
?No?, he said. ?I just want to talk.? His hand was still between her legs. She tried not to care about that, though there was something that really turned her on about this. So finally he removed his hand and that exciting feeling she had was gone.
?Why are you here?? he questioned.
?I wont tell you?, she said.
?I see?, he said.
?No you don?t.? She was beginning to feel rather irritated now. What was it with this old man?
?I might invite you to dinner sometime?, he said.
?The nurses would never allow it.? She knew that she wasn?t allowed to leave the area. She was ?suicidal? and ?dangerous? and lots of crazy stuff.
?Well, but I?m your grandfather now, remember?? He gave her that serious smile again.
?Good luck?, she said.
Alice was sitting on a bench smoking again. Thank god for this fenced garden. She couldn?t hardly stand a minute of all the crazyness inside the institution. Everyone were fucking retards. She hadn?t seen the old man for two days now, and their last meeting had really confused her. But now there he was again. He stood by the gate talking to one of the nurses. Now the nurse turned to Alice and yelled at her. Alice raised and threw away her cigarette. She walked to the nurse and the old man. He didn?t look that old really, but somehow she just knew he couldn?t be less than 60.
?Good day?, he said. ?I?ve asked your nurse here if I may take you home for dinner-?
?Is he your grandfather as he says he is?? The nurse interrupted him.
?Yes?, Alice said.
?Then I believe it?s alright.? The nurse smiled gently to Alice. ?You should be happy to have such a great grandfather.?
?Yes?, Alice said. The man smiled.
?By the way, I?m Richard?, he told her when they reached his house. It was a great house in the heart of the city, in the quarters of the rich. Alice followed Richard inside. Inside it was as rich as the outside. Though there wasn?t very much things, but the furniture he had was really expensive, old-fashioned stuff. She examined every room and finally walked into his bedroom. Except for the bed (a large old bed made of dark wood) there was a small table with two chairs and a chess board. She walked to the chess and touched the pieces. They were made of glass.
?Do you play chess?? He stood behind her now.
?Not really?, she said.
?I think you do?, he said. He sat down on one of the chairs and she sat down on the one that was left. He moved one piece and she began to remember how to play. It was a long time since last time, and she could not remember when that was but somehow she just knew how to play. But she wasn?t good enough to him and he threated her king with his queen. Alice took his queen and put it in her mouth. Richard look slightly surprised, and she was pleased.
?You shouldn?t do that?, he said and raised and walked towards her. She stood up with the queen in her mouth and she backed as he walked towards her. Suddenly she was sitting on his bed. He was laying her down in his bed and he was laying upon her. She felt his warmth and he approached her face and gave her a real tounge-kiss as he took the queen from her mouth. Alice was hot now alright, so she invited him to go further with a smile. A serious smile. He now took her blouse off and touched her brests outside the bra, and she knew that this was supposed to feel bad coming from such an old man but the more twisted and forbidden it was the more excited she got thinking about it. And suddenly he was fucking her. He was fucking her hard and with no respect left. Every thrust was like an electro shock in her body and he was so violent that she almost beated her head in the wall for each thrust. It felt like he was doing it for a long time and she experienced several orgasms before he filled her up with his seed. Her heart throbbed hard in her brest and she was lying still looking up in the ceiling. She couldn?t move her hands because he was holding them like if she would have been chained.
Alice came limping back to the mental institution, and the nurses knew at once.
?Oh that fucking son of a bitch!? they screamed. Alice didn?t care, she refused to tell anything and the next day when she sat on her bench smoking he was there again. The nurses wouldn?t let him in this time, but Alice yelled at them.
?It?s alright?, she said. ?Let him in!? Richard walked to her bench and saw her pain in her eyes.
?I didn?t mean to hurt you?, he said. She couldn?t tell if he was serious.
?No pain, no game?, she answered, and they walked together to the chapel. There were lots of inmates making trouble this day and the nurses couldn?t possibly look after Alice. After all she had told them it was alright.
Inside the chapel she kissed him and he pushed her up against the cold stone wall. He lifted her short skirt and pulled the panties away, and then he fucked her again. Alice couldn?t help screaming this time. Oh the pain! The pain was terrible, or was it wonderful? Like when she cuts herself in the arms and everywhere, God there was something about pain. Pain and humiliation, she loved it. And he was fucking her hard again, up against that cold stone wall in God?s little chapel. Fuck God, she thought.
Afterwards he left her there with a kiss and she stood alone with her back against the wall. There were blood on her thighs, and she didn?t care to wipe it away. Not yet.
Now it was even more terrible to walk. She didn?t want to move at all. She sat down in the chapel. After a while she stood up and limped towards the exit. On her way she saw the small stairs leading up to the tower. The passage was blocked by a gate with a warning sign on. Alice climbed over it as she cried in pain. There was never anyone else in the chapel. Most of the other inmates were too sick to walk anywhere without attention from the nurses. They were too ill to have anything to do in the chapel. Now Alice were crawling up the small stone stairs. As she reached the top the sun was shining on her and gave her warmth. She stood in the tower and it was open big windows all around her. She climbed up in one of them. Now she had a view of the whole institution and its gardens. The nurses were walking around taking care of the inmates. Alice raised in the great old tower window, and she jumped. The wind was soft between her legs as she fell.
?What have happened here?? he asked as he saw the ambulance men carrying a stretcher.
?One of the inmates jumped from the roof of the chapel?, one ambulance man said.
?Oh, what was her name??
?How did you know it was a her? I think her name was Alice something, at least that?s what the nurse told me. Anyway she didn?t make it. Broke her neck.?
?I see?, Richard Rainey said. He walked away from the ambulance and the institution and as he walked the sunny street he looked at a photograph he had in his wallet. It was the photograph of himself and a little child with coloured blue hair playing chess. ?Alice Rainey?, he said and smiled. "My dear granddaughter."